DestroyingAngel's Journal
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7 entries this month
Unloved04:21 Oct 30 2009
Times Read: 659
She found herself ashamed that she could even have the morbid curiosity to continue reading. She even felt terrible for helping herself to something that she didnt have permission to read.
He had gone on to tell her that she was one of the most beautiful creatures he'd ever laid eyes on. He described his wants and explicit desires and how she stirred a fire in his loins. He adressed her as 'sweetie' and 'his pet'.
She sobbed outloud, knowing this punishment was far from over.
She read the closing line he had written to her:
"I luv you! You are Mine!" he wrote.
Giant tears rolled down her petal pale face. She wiped at them with a fury she hadn't felt in ages. She touched her finger tips to her chest and made sure the now useless organ was still beating. She sobbed and broke down right there.
That letter she stumbled upon was intended for another. It was not meant for her. She wiped at her nose. Her green eyes swollen and red from feeling the only hope and joy she'd known (or thought she knew) for years now. Everything inside of her became numb. Any hope for happiness carried away with God's wind. She was only a number. Only another random bitch on his list to play with. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh which actually hurt.
"He said he loved ME..." she whispered to herself hoping God would hear her, torn and humiliated as more tears assulted her face.
It was then that she realized something. Love would NEVER exist for her. She cried...she wiped the tears away, as she knew for certain more would follow soon. She sobbed quietly.
"I'll will never love again..." she whispered outloud and choking for air. She vowed to become disconnected from that notion. Ever. His words repeated in her mind as if she could hear them right then and there. "I love you. I'm IN LOVE with you."
His words. All that she would be left with.Just words and dreams that would never come true. She looked down at her trembling hands, soaked from wiping at all the salty drops that fell from her eyes. She sat there, quietly. The only sound that could be heard was her frantic breathing as she struggled to remain silent. "Why?" she whispered to herself, amazed she still had a voice within her throat, "I loved you the most,"she sobbed knowing it probably didn't matter to him at all. "I will always love you..." she whispered almost in a whimper.
And just like that...........
She finally vanished.
Something at night07:41 Oct 26 2009
Times Read: 664
I've been thinking about dreamscaping again. Something about being under that willow tree when the moon is full and the sky is ready to pour down. The way I see shades of blue and grey on my naked skin. This odd ability doesnt seem to border much upon magicks. I have now branded it as Universial. I miss dreamscape. I was very successful as it...
"And when you close your eyes and whisper the words, you shall feel a rush of wind. You shall feel as if you are being rushed through the fabric of reality. You will know the moment you are close.."
-A. Rubens
The Astral Laws of Three
Untitled - Pt.2
10:54 Oct 24 2009
Times Read: 671
She woke up late in the afternoon. Her cell phone had five missed calls and two voicemail messages. "Ahhhh, FUCK!" she said outloud. Half of a day pissed away already. She returned her messages to her friend Marissa,
"Hey Mar, It's me, Dez. I over slept big time and I didn't hear my phone. I AM gonna be there before three. Seeya then."
Dez ended the call and stretched. Rainy and gloomy outide. Just the way she liked it.
~
"I had this really whacked out dream last night?" Said Dez. "About?" asked Marissa raising an eyebrow. Dez had come to know this as Marissa's gleam. She always had the same gleam in her eyes whenever she suspected something paranormal.
"It was weird...I fell asleep in the dark and I swore I heard someone mimic my sigh. That creeped me out and I lit a candle and fell asleep...then I dreamed I was being choked by invisable hands." Marissa started to laugh so hard tears formed in her eyes. "I'm glad one of us is enjoying this..." said Dez with a sarcastic tone. Marissa stopped laughing a little. "Nah, it just means the spell worked is all!" Marissa said. Dez shrugged. She had let the pagan perform a dream rite and it worked. A little too well. "Is this kinda shit gonna happen alot when I go to sleep from now on?" asked Dez. Marissa shook her head. "It'll get clearer, then you'll be able to see..."
~
Dez lit another tealight candle and set it in the metal holder. She relaxed and though she felt slightly feverish, she started to fall asleep.
She was surrounded by fog as she swam in a lake in a distant country she had not yet visited. She kicked her legs and floated on her back. She felt completley at ease there. Her eye lids fluttered shut and then opened. Intense fog over the trees, surrounded by vast grey and green. She breathed in and her eyes fluttered shut again. Suddenly it dawned on her that no sound could be heard in this sanctuary of hers. Her eyes flew open and she saw a horrid face staring back at her, only inches away from her face. She screamed and felt the invisable hands wrap around her throat and hold her down. She tumbled under the water, feeling as if she was falling.
She landed in a field at night somewhere. It was snowing hard. She layed in the snow like a ragdoll that had been tossed. She raised her head up and took a good look around. "Dez..." said a man in the distance.
Dez woke up gasping for air. She looked at the time. She had only been asleep for about a half hour though it seemed like she had been out for hours. She layed back down in her bed and tried to pick apart what she had just experienced.
Craving Calm
09:57 Oct 13 2009
Times Read: 681
She watched the rain fall down around her upon the sanctuary of her enclosed patio. The wind picked up behind the storm. She bundled herself up into the warm hoodie she had on. She exhaled deeply. A lump came into her throat.
She had been feeling so foolish. She remembered the calm soothing tone that had left a smile on her face. The same calm soothing tone that was now leaving her feeling vulnerable and very much hurt. She wanted to reach out and tell what had been bothering her. She found giant tears forming and stinging her eyes. Her vision blurred.
She got to her feet and looked up to the night sky and closed her eyes. The cold rain beat down on her petal pale face mixing with the hot salty drops that fell from he eyes. She sighed hard and wiped the tears away again. She realized how unrealistic she'd been in thinking that perhaps her soothing comfort didnt want her afterall. Her bottom lip quivered and she made her way back to her cold bed where she shivered herself to sleep. Would she ever be able to have her calm soothing and kindness?
She bundled up in the blankets and drifted off into sleep hoping she wouldn't feel even more foolish when she woke up. She sighed once more and closed her eyes...hurt and confused.
Been thinking about the Kilcoyne's lately...
09:09 Oct 10 2009
Times Read: 686
We were driving into the middle of the desert and the moon above us was full.Mr.Kilcoyne had been driving for over an hour now. I looked from him to her in the front of the truck. The dim light from the moon lit the desert floor up in navy blue and grey shadows. When you're that far out it looks like glitter in the sky sometimes. The driver, crazy with some chemical he put into his body, took the truck off road. There's something about being in the backseat of a truck with Mr and Ms.Kilcoyne. Always a joy, always at maximum speed. We were hauling ass towards the mountain that housed the indian reservation. Jack rabbits and little field mice scurried away from the demonic truck in the middle of the desert. Somewhere the demon in me screamed for him to floor it. He asked if I was sure. Never test Mr.Kilcoyne." I'm sure," I said and closed my eyes. Then, I became a little nervous. We were those weirdo's your mom warned you about. We took a few dips that scared the shit out of us and suddenly he made the truck skid over to the side of the mountain. "Out." he said and kissed her on her hand like a gentleman. She smiled at him and got out of the truck with me. "Come out, come out wherever you are!" I yelled into the night sky. She giggled and urged me to follow behind her quickly. "Where did he go?" I asked her while we hiked and scaled the side of the mountain. We struggled with how steep it was. "This is what he does..."she told me. We kept going until we reached a tiny plateau. A fire pit from the earlier times sat, illuminated by the moonlight.
Suddenly, we heard gunshots. We both stood still and frozen.
Mr.Kilcoyne likes guns. We looked back down at the truck. We couldnt see him down there anymore. She looked at me as if to ask where he had gone and then he emerged from behind the tree up on our little plateau as if he'd been there the entire time. I felt a little uneasy. I litterally scratched my head with her and looked back down at the truck. "So weird..." I said under my breath. She put her arm on my shoulder and leaned on me with a shit eating grin, "Isn't it?" she said with her raspy voice. Mr. Kilcoyne gave her a hug and smiled. We followed him towards the tree. Suddenly a small indian chant was heard. The blackfoot in me recoiled. We stood in the silvery dome of their ruins. We danced a little, we yelled a little and then Mr.Kilcoyne filled a bottle up with the soil we stood on. I scooped up a large triangle shaped rock. She grabbed his ass and then off to the truck we went.
Mr. and Ms.Kilcoyne. Those were some interesting adventures.
Eat You Alive
09:38 Oct 09 2009
Times Read: 694
That tin that smells like the sixties. My candles.
You. Now thoughts of you fill my head and I feel much like a sinner. The chaos I would cause in your blood. My body has a confession to make, Your body be thy eternity that awaits. If my whispers tell you not to be afraid, you should, I am partly reminding myself of the same.
You. Dressed, barely at all. Drinking the sight of you in, vulnerable and pure. You. The taste of your skin and the way my tongue feels when I lick all the way down. My hands caress and investigate what makes your breathing become harder. The little things I whisper into your ear and those sweet little moans I hear...
Touch.
Taste.
You. You, torment me delightfully. You. You, nervously excite me and the flames only get hotter. You. Must you be so good at this? If I whisper for you to stop, dont. It is only because I have found myself falling victim to the thought of you actually doing it.
Touch.
Taste.
Feel.
You. You're wickedly warm.
Untitled
10:14 Oct 05 2009
Times Read: 707
After she realized what was happening, she felt as though somebody had injected ice water into her veins.
"I just want to go home..." she said in a small whisper and rolled on to her right side.
The breeze from the cold night raked leaves across the concrete outside. She felt uneasy. A thought raced through her mind, and then another string of nonsense. The leaves attacked more concrete. She opened her eyes up in the dark and looked towards the window. The wind howled. She sighed, annoyed with the swollen sky that refused to cry tonight.
She told herself to return to sleep. She relaxed and felt her body go limp. One more sigh escaped her dewy lips. And then another followed hers. It took a moment, to dawn on her that she didn't sigh twice. "What the...?!" she said outloud bolting from the bed to the light switch. In one swift 'click' artifcial light filled the room. Nothing. Nothing at all.
Her eyes darted from left to right. Her heart, like a rabbit's. She did not want complete darkness now. Even in this moment, she still wanted it darker. A single white tea light candle was lit by the bedside in the metal fire proof container. It would due. For now. Back under the sheets she went. She found herself not wanting to shut her eyes eventhough sleep was on it's way. Eyelids fluttering, she drifted off again...calmer now. Her eyes were shut.
She couldn't breathe! Hands were around her throat. She was being choaked. She was being choaked hard. "HELP!" She tried to scream. There was no more voice. Just the dire need for air in a few seconds. She could not see her attacker. She knew he was too strong. "HELP ME!" she tried to scream again. Her eyes watered, she felt her ears start to ring and sudden blackness filled her sight. Not like this, anything but this, she thought.
She sat up in her bed screaming. Her candle still burning. She was breathless. She still felt the ten tons of brick on her throat. Her own unsteady fingers touching the skin on her neck. The leaves scattered with the wind on concrete and she knew something else was on it's way with the storm. "My god..." she whispered to herself.
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